“Does This Gym Make My Wallet Look Fat?”

In these troubled times, one of the most important things a man can do is to not appear weak.

And one of the best ways to not appear weak, is to not be seen coming out of a Planet Fatness gym.

Also known as “Planet Fitness” and “Pizza Monday”, this so-called exercise chain caters to self-conscious fat feminists by punishing any men trying to get fit with “lunk alarms” and restrictions on grunting. Comparable to the way its purple-and-yellow décor punishes the art world, searing the eyeballs of passers-by so the fatties chatting on the treadmills can slither in place unseen.

Four women asked man for a ride outside Planet Fitness. It was a setup, Texas cops say

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A Houston man had just finished working out at Planet Fitness when a group of women approached him in the parking lot, asking for a ride, Texas police told news outlets. It was a trap.

For most gyms, a random guy walking out after worshiping some iron would be a bad choice for a robbery. He’s strong, he’s confident, he’s probably into a martial art. Not Planet Fitness! They’re just as likely to walk out with a slice of pizza.

No, I was not joking about Pizza Monday.

“Hey, Chicken Neck! You’re so big and strong for a man! Would you give us hos, uhh, ladies a ride home to the East Side? None of us brought a phone to call a friend with.”

And Captain Save-A-Ho thought it was his lucky day.

The four women piled into the 20-year-old’s vehicle and he started driving them to their destination on the city’s east side overnight on Thursday, Jan. 11, Houston police told KTRK.

When he reached the location, one of the women quickly bailed out of the car as two gunmen approached — one walking up to the trunk, the other opening the driver side door, according to the outlet.

He stepped on the gas and the suspects opened fire as he sped away, police told KHOU, adding that a bullet hit him in the abdomen.

A little lower and he’d have a Darwin Award.

He came to a stop after escaping the ambush, and a woman who was still in the car snatched the man’s keys and ran, the TV station reported.

“I just survived a carjacking!”

“Nuh-uh!”

A nearby resident called 911 and the man was taken by ambulance to a hospital, police told news outlets. He is expected to survive.

Police are searching for the four women and two gunmen behind the set up.

They’ll be caught as soon as one of the hos gets stiffed on child support.

Getting fit doesn’t just attract females. It repels predators. Who are often also female, so for your OWN sake, if you’re a 20-something pencilnecked urbanite who can still identify as male, find a REAL gym and start the makeover.

The easiest way to not be a victim, is to not look, act and patronize Planet Fatness like a victim.

4 thoughts on ““Does This Gym Make My Wallet Look Fat?””

  1. I roll solo with situational awareness cranked to 11 like a Nigel Tufnel amplifier.
    You have your own back like a spine or you get a knife/dagger in it.
    Read an article earlier about a man who pulled over to text with a group of “yoots” walking past and it didn’t end well.
    Stranger Danger and would you jump off a bridge if everyone else was doing it were hammered into us as youngsters and I am thankful.
    Show any weakness in an egalitarian Marxist faculty lounge utopia and you will get stomped on.

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